You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
