remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
