She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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