Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
