you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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