your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
