i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
