She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
