when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
