I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
