I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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