someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
