Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
