thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
