My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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