I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
