um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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