I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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