he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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