And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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