I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
