I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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