You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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