Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
