I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
