So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
