her vagina looked like bernie madoff
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize