Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It all started with a game of naked twister.