She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
did i just pee glitter