my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
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We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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