just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
