The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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