I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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