I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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