I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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