Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Never underestimate the power of titties
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
