You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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