Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
