Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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