He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
