i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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