I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
