Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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