I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
