My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
There are leaves in my underwear?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
