hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
