my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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