remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
