I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
