Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
