Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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