Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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