i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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