is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
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I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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