Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
