Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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