Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
