OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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