They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
