it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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