I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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