don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
