just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
