it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
