he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
