So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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