his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
