I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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