During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
