It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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